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[Thomas Henley]

Today on this day of August 17, 2012 surviving Family and Friends of our dearly departed Founding Member Aquarius are gathering at her favorite childhood beach on the Shores of Lake Michigan to memorialize her life and times and spread the ashes of her earthly remains upon the sands she happily frolicked on as a young girl growing up.
 
How I would have loved to have been there to pay homage to me very dear friend and confidant in person. While I can’t be there in deed I am there in thought and while her earthly friends and family gather to remember a truly unique, special and remarkable person, I thought it most befitting that her Internet friends and family gather too to share any final worlds or fond remembrances of a person who reached out to touch many lives in wondrous and wonderful ways and was universally respected and loved by all who came to know her, wherever and how they came to know her.

Shirley and my friendship were in many ways as improbable occurrence as her own remarkable life and times was.

One wouldn’t naturally think a 70 year old Jewish woman would seek to befriend a Gentile man 30 years her junior that passionately argued publicly against Zionist and Israeli politics.

Yet Shirley was fascinated by alternative thinking and critical minds that saw the world in as unique of ways as she herself did.

Intrigued by my own alternative spiritual views and formidable knowledge on religious and pagan history Shirley became fascinated by the body of research and theories I put into my landmark ATS thread…All Roads Lead to Rome.

One night shortly after publishing it and having exchanged a series of lengthy emails discussing the subject she asked for my phone number and wrung me up and spent the better part of two hours talking and getting to know one another better.

At the time I didn’t know that this phone call would turn into a nearly nightly occurrence for the better part of the next three years until cancer took her from us, or that in the process she would become my dearest and most trusted friend and confidant but that’s exactly what happened.

Men aren’t supposed to cry, but I’m not ashamed of the tears that run down my cheeks as I sadly type out these words, remembering who she was, and what she meant to me, and meant to so many others in selfless and truly loving and committed ways.

Shirley didn’t waste much time proving in short order again and again she was no causal or fair weather friend and acquaintance.

As controversy and tragedy would whirl around my life, Shirley never shied away from the intrigues and occasional drama of it all. She was always the first to be there to show she cared, standing by through thick and thin as a rock solid friend who came to worry about and dote on me in motherly ways.

Mine was not the only alternative mind she considered exceptional and she sought out and collected friendships with such people the way others might collect memorabilia, exotic cars or racehorses.

While Shirley had three wonderful and successful children of her own, three grandchildren, a brother and two sisters the family of internet friends she cultivated was of equal importance to her.

When I parted company with ATS where we had met, over controversial events, Shirley was the first to write the owners sharing her disapproval and was instrumental in helping me found the forum here.

We spent days and weeks testing out software working on making it function, me installing it on my end and her testing it out for function on her own.

If not for her support, encouragement, help and belief and faith in me there might never have been a ProtoplasmicTraveller.net at all.

Once the forum was up and running she wasted no time it trying to post content of a fun and inviting nature with the hopes of encouraging everyone to post and share and get to know one another as she played her role of unofficial hostess to the site energetically and enthusiastically.

She became a daily fixture, working diligently to try to promote the forum and think of ways to engage the people on it.

As the early summer gave way to mid and late summer though last year, Shirley started constantly complaining of the temperature and the heat.

She confided that the unusually hot summer in Michigan that year was draining her of energy, making her cranky and causing her to feel ill in general.

Shirley was a firm believer in manmade climate change something we’d often argue about intensely as I’d tell her there just isn’t enough data on earth’s climate cycles over the centuries and eons to support that theory and she’d counter that the summers were never this hot in Michigan when she was younger and the winters never so warm either.

I tried to console her that the fall and cooler weather would be arriving in a few weeks and she’d feel better once the cooler weather set in.

Yet she didn’t feel better when the cooler weather set in, but continue to suffer from a general malaise and discomforts that finally prompted her to go the doctor for a checkup…something Shirley was loathe to do.

From the very first night I began talking to her Shirley loved to brag she’d never been sick in her life, not a headache or a cold, flu or the sniffles. She ascribed her good health to positive thinking and a healthy diet and exercise; even though I’d silently cringe every time she’d brag about this she might be inviting some karmic or universal repercussion through it.

It was then last November when she first found out she was in fact sick, sick with a relatively easy to treat form of cervical cancer and that it had been the cause for her months of discomfort and feeling under the weather.

Positive it could be easily cured Shirley hardly gave it a second thought even though I openly fretted that chemotherapy and radiation treatments often seemed to cause more problems than they solved.

Undaunted Shirley proceeded with three months of uncomfortable treatments in and out of the hospital always keeping a stoic and upbeat outlook on it all and by March she declared the Doctors said they had succeeded and all signs of the cancer were gone.

She looked forward to resuming her life after the months of interruptions the treatments and being in and out of the hospital had caused.

Yet by early May she was feeling miserable again, sometimes so poorly she’d have to cut phone calls short midsentence to get off the phone to collect herself.

By the middle of May she was in the hospital for nearly a month again…as I feared side effects from the Chemotherapy and Radiation were wreaking havoc, but by the middle of June Shirley was home once more proclaiming all her medical problems behind her and was once more excitedly looking to resume her normal life again.

Yet within a couple of weeks she was ending phone calls suddenly mid-sentence again and right after the Fourth of July she went back into the hospital for a brief few days and then called me up on the night of the 8th of July to tell me she had terrible news…

“Thomas” she said…”I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to say this, the cancer is back, it’s spread throughout my entire body, my lungs, my brain and the doctors say there is nothing that can be done”.

I realized for the first time my dear friend was going to die as I struggled for some comforting words I knew couldn’t possible bring any…

We enjoyed a nice long conversation, Shirley as always trying to be stoic and upbeat, talking about her plans for the near future, and catching up on my life at the same time, trying to not let on the intense pain and discomfort she was in at the time.

When I hung up with her, and began thinking how I could remain a good friend to her right on up through to the end, I had no idea at that time that had been the last time I would ever get the chance to talk to her.

Two days later she had stopped answering her phone, on Wednesday the 11th she went into a seizure and a coma and on Friday the 13th, 13 months after helping me found the forum my dear friend breathed her last breath and left this world.

She and the friendship she shared with me meant the world to me, and never in a million years when I first started talking to her and becoming such good friends that in just a few short years I’d be sitting here, tears streaming down my face paying final tribute to my good friend, now departed from this world, her ashes being lovingly spread by friends and families as I type this.

I’d like to honor my friend moving forward, her and the things she was most passionate about by inaugurating this forum to her. A lasting testament to her as a human being, the people whose lives she touched with her warm intelligence, grace and charm and gentle and generous caring spirit.

Shirley was an avid UFO researcher in the pre-internet days, attending and hosting conferences, writing papers, and doing serious research on the subject, while forming friendships with many of the pioneers and luminaries in the field.

She loved metaphysics and spirituality and enjoying researching, theorizing, and experimenting with such things.

Archeology fascinated her, and science thrilled her.

These are the things I’d like the forum in honor of her to be about and discuss.

While Shirley is gone from this earthly world, a part of her, and a part of what she loved, and some of who she loved lives on here, as I’d like it to always do.

In remembrance of our good and highly dedicated friend Shirley Pulugyay aka Aquarius, died on Friday July 13th 2012, now tragically gone, but never forgotten.

[Sinny]

I must say, this is one of the few circumstances, and personal stories that has left me feeling as though there is a black void within my self.

Its Hard to explain, but I am filled with the sense that the world is missing something great - a beacon of light, hope, love and joy.

Shirley, or more fittingly, Aquarius, was and is one of the best minds and spirits I've had the joy to encounter. Her mind is certainly most captivating and inspirational.

My name would most likely not be familiar to Aquarius, unless she has an exceptional memory, and recalled a few of our brief exchanges on ATS...

But that is not what matters, because her name certainly stays with me. I rarely make time in my life to remember people, as there are thousands that come and go, but there are a certain few that have a profound effect on you, even it you are not aware of it at first. 

When I shuffled over here, I immediately recognized Aquarius from my ,sometimes, photographic memory, I found her avatar and name to be most elegant and intriguing, and I remembered all of her posts to be captivating and insightful.

As I type this, I know my words are not worthy, I can only hope, in the realm beyond this one, Aquarius feels our anguish and knows that she is missed, and in what ever life lays beyond this one, she eagerly awaits our similar souls...

Where I will be able to greet her in the manner I would have liked to, before the unfortunate events of this year, and hopefully, stir that fiery spirit into once again debating, the climate changes of the Earth.

Here, I humbly offer my reverence to Aquarius, and my condolences to her closest friends.

May we meet again,

Sinead.

[Jean Paul Zodeaux]

It was late June of last year when Shirley sent a flurry of messages to me through this site.  It was in this site that Shirley told me her Father was Jewish and her Mother Irish Catholic.  She pointed out what I all ready knew, that Jews don't tend to view people as Jewish if their Mother was not Jewish.  Even though I knew this I understood she was not telling me this to elucidate me with the facts of Judaism. 

During this time Shirley told me about her interest in UFO's and how she was at one time furious for a promise broken that wound up putting her name in the spotlight when this was the last thing she wanted.  She was concerned about her children and what sort of troubles or teasing they might suffer because her mother was involved in UFO research. 

She told me she was a second generation American.  Her Grandparents came here from Germany and Lithuania.  At this time I had never seen any pictures of her, so she told me she had green eyes and olive skin.  She told me that she had converted to Judaism at the age of 21 but had embraced the religion at a very early age, studying Hebrew (of which she thought was a big waste of time) and told me she knew Yiddish, a language she found wonderful and colorful. 

She confided many things during this time and then wondered why she was doing so.  She concluded that it was because I cared and just this simple act of caring drew things out of her that she would never tell another person. 

We continued to send each other messages and emails and Shirley knew of my own struggles and knew I had an aloof side to me so when I stopped hearing from her for a while I assumed it was just she understanding my own struggles and leaving me be for a while, but this while started to take too long, so out of concern I sent her an email.  There was no reply and I figured maybe she was a little aloof herself.  I decided to be patient and let her reach out to me when she was ready.

Five days after Christmas of 2011 I finally heard from her.  It turned out she was not being aloof but was struggling with cervical cancer.  I felt like a total jerk.  It seemed to me that I should have been there for her, but as Shirley is, she would have none of that and insisted the worst was over.  In this email she sent me a picture of her Grandchildren, little Katie (of whom she had sent several pictures since her birth) grinning from ear to ear on her Hanukkah Speedster with Emma and Max pushing her along. 

We remained regular with emails and messages until my own life sort of became overwhelming for me.  She kept sending emails with pictures of Katie but I didn't want to email back because I was afraid I would start pissing and moaning about how life was and I didn't want to bother her with that. 

She patiently sent notes with more pictures of Katie and finally, out of guilt, I sent a brief note apologizing for my silence explaining I was going through some tough times.  She immediately wrote back and told me she was not worried and understood I would write when I was ready.

I waited too long.  Life just wasn't getting better and while Shirley was always on my mind, I wanted to write when life was better but life just wasn't getting better.  Then I noticed she hadn't been posting here or elsewhere and I got worried.  I wrote her a brief note telling her I had so much to tell her but first wanted to know she was okay.

The next email I got was from her daughter Andrea informing that Shirley had just passed a way a few days before.  The shame and guilt I felt for waiting too long was more than I could bear.  Shirley had seen so much in me, believed so strongly in me and when she needed me most, I was too busy being weak and struggling just to believe in myself. 

Of course, Shirley would have none of that.  All that shame and guilt stuff was not what she wanted for me, and she nudged me to snap out of it and be productive.  She does this still.  She nudges me daily and it is why I am here now.  Why I was here yesterday and the day before, because Shirley remains in my heart and gently nudges me just keep going.  Her expectations of me are no less now that she has passed than when she was here. 

A few years ago I met a woman named Shirley Palugyay who at the time was simply Aquarius, but user name or birth name, she came into my life and let me know that I mattered to her.  I miss her chronicles that allowed me to watch Katie grow from a distance, but she will not let me miss her.  She sweetly whispers in my ear regularly and reminds me I have a life to forge and that is not just she who holds great expectations of I. 

I wake up each morning and do what I can to live up to those expectations and I am grateful for many things, but I am forever grateful that Shirley chose me as her friend.

[Thomas Henley]

Thanks for those kind words Sinny...I'm sure they would have meant a great deal to Shirley.

Shirley was a real people person, she loved people, and she loved helping people.

She was someone who truly went out of her way to be kind to others.

There aren't many people in this world who are as warm, loving, kind and generous to others as Shirley was.

The world is a darker place for her loss, and it's left a tremendous void in my own life and many others who knew and loved her too.

Sorry it took me a while to reply, but I've busy sending out a mailing to all the site members announcing this thread.

It wasn't something I was looking forward too or much enjoyed doing, but above all I'd love to honor Shirley and what a good friend she'd been.

Creating some meaningful lasting legacy and presence here for her, and sharring that and passing with everyone that might have known her through here was something I felt she truly deserved.

If she were still alive she'd probably kill me for doing that...she was never comfortable being singled out for special attentions, was an intensely private person, and indeed made me promise not to even share word of her illness when she began taking sick and had to stop frequenting the forum regulary as a result.

Hopefully she'd have made an exception in this case if she knew how much it meant to me be able to show that love, respect, admiration and affection I shared for her one last time.

Thanks Sinny.

[anarch]

My sincere condolences.  The world is a little bit less for the loss of her light.

[Guohua]

I will miss her warmth and how nice she was in helping a newbie.
I just can not put this into words,,,, Myself and Many, Many others will miss her.
Guohua

[Thomas Henley]

I will miss her warmth and how nice she was in helping a newbie.
I just can not put this into words,,,, Myself and Many, Many others will miss her.
Guohua

It's nice to see you Gouhua and thanks for the kindly words. I know Shirley would very much appreciate them.

Before Shirley got sick and even on and off a bit afterwards she loved playing the unofficial hostess of the site, helping people become acclamated, warmly welcoming them, trying to make them feel at home and special.

I was so lucky that she cared and enjoyed doing that, it's hard not to admire and miss someone so thoughtful and giving.

[Iwinder]

Ahhh this hits us both hard here, my wife loved chatting with Shirley and myself she made me feel so welcome here.
I regret not being here more often than I have been.
OOHHH you know it seems to go, you don't know what you got till it's gone.

Thanks for the email and I am really sorry for all our losses here.

The wife really enjoyed talking meditation and such with her and she will be posting tomorrow to share her thoughts.

She will be missed here greatly by both of us.
Regards, Iwinder and Wife

[Thomas Henley]

Ahhh this hits us both hard here, my wife loved chatting with Shirley and myself she made me feel so welcome here.
I regret not being here more often than I have been.
OOHHH you know it seems to go, you don't know what you got till it's gone.

Thanks for the email and I am really sorry for all our losses here.

The wife really enjoyed talking meditation and such with her and she will be posting tomorrow to share her thoughts.

She will be missed here greatly by both of us.
Regards, Iwinder and Wife

Thanks for stopping by Iwinder, I was pretty sure both you and your wife would like to know. I try not to send out mass emails as a policy, but a lot of people really respected, admired and enjoyed what Shirley had to share.

Your wife in particular loved Shirley's Chakra and Meditation Thread.

I know life keeps us all pretty busy, but I'm grateful as I know Shirley would be taking the time to share on this occassion.

I truly appreciate it, tell your wife I and the gang here at PT net said hi, and we look forward to seeing her soon.

PS: It would be great if your wife had the time and inclination to look in from time to time to take over where Shirley left off since she's no longer here to answer any questions about those kinds of things should they arrise on threads like Chakras and Meditation.

Thanks,

Thomas

[berenike]

In June this year I had a real foreboding that someone was about to pass on.

I'm very isolated and most of my few friends and acquaintances are over the other side of the country.  For several weeks I expected a phone call, probably from an elderly friend, to tell me sad news.

Eventually, with no such news forthcoming, I started to relax and feel that I'd been mistaken.  I was relieved but puzzled as to why I'd had the feeling.

Then I dropped in here and discovered the news about Aquarius.  All my earlier feelings now made sense.

I hope you'll take that as my tribute to her - that a woman I'd never met, and only knew in passing on the internet, had made such an impact on the lives of those around her that someone such as myself, over the other side of the world, should get a foreboding about her passing.

I'd been away from here for a while doing other things but 'something' called me over here a day or two after Thomas's announcement.  That 'something' might have been the depth of your feelings, Thomas, and your very great sense of loss.

I've written and re-written this post several times trying to explain that it's the great love her friends had for Shirley that probably alerted me to what was about to happen, because I barely knew her.  Maybe because she was so important to some of you, I tuned in to the great loss that was about to befall you.

Or perhaps, great soul that she was, she sent out a sort of beacon to announce her imminent departure and I picked up on that?

Either way - she was a delightful, perceptive woman and I don't doubt that she was perfectly well aware of how much she mattered to her friends.  I hope that thought is a comfort.

[Thomas Henley]

Paradis...it all makes sense to me, I really do think there is some unexplainable cord that some how wires us all together in our subconcious minds.

That on occassion our subconcious through our dreams or waking moments if it can tries to clue us in on things that are happening with the people we care about or mean something to us in life.

I think it likewise has the ability to filter out what doesn't apply or would be of interest to us, while trying to send off alarms about those people and things that do have a unique interest to us.

I empathize a great deal with people who are in tune with that part of their physical and mental makeup because the anxiety that can cause is very real and a real cause for concern...as in your case as you began worrying about everyone in your life who might be subject to such an unfortunate event.

Several years ago a man who I had worked briefly with a couple times over my career who was a good natured and jovial fellow that pretty much anyone who ever met liked...sat down one day and called all two hundred plus friends and family members just to say hi and to let them know he always valued the relationship and friendship and that they were someone that made a difference in his life.

The next day he never woke up, his wife found him dead in bed that morning.

He had no known illness, and it wasn't suicide either, that became an intense matter of scrutiny and inquiry because indeed one year to the day before he died he had taken out a one million dollar life insurance policy in his name that would not pay out the entire one million dollars for at least one year until it was taken out.

On the day it went in to full force he died.

His friends all marvelled what caused him to call everyone up out of the blue the day before his death...like he knew he was actually about to die, and the timing of the life insurance policy made it even a stranger thing, as if he knew that day a year before he was going to die exactly in a year and I better go ahead and take this thing out today if I want to provide for the future of my family.

As near as anyone's been able to tell...family, friends, doctors and coroners he simply stopped living with no real discernible cause scientifically as to why.

There is so much to this universe we don't understand and in some ways that all helps make life the often magical and mystical and curious thing that it is.

Shirley by the way believed very much in the kind of thing you described, and believed spirits without bodies, and human beings themselves could leave their own bodies temporarily to travel great distances and observe and communicate in a fashion with others.

Who knows? Maybe it was Shirley reaching out to everyone and everybody that she knew and mattered to her trying to let them know?

Thanks for sharing that. 

[YogaGinns]

Thomas:

I am so sorry to hear of Aquarius' passing, and I/we appreciate your letting us know about it.  Our heartfelt sorrow go out to you, Shirley's family and friends and all those she touched through this wonderful medium we call the web.

Although I am not much of a poster I do enjoy reading the threads and learning from others who know so much more than I do.  Aquarius was very kind and helpful to me when I first signed on as a newbie.  It was also nice to talk about chakras and meditation without having first to explain what a chakra is (as that is not a simple thing).  She truly enjoyed everything metaphysical and surreal.  Her great knowledge and understanding of other worldly things, and acceptance that they truly do exist, is a testament to who she was (and still is).

The yogis believe that on the day we are born we have been given a certain number of breaths and once they have been taken it is then our time to graduate from this life.  For those who believe in the recycle of life, Shirley will be blessed next time by being given one that honours her, and how she lived the this past one.

I regret not spending more time on the site and getting to know her better, but hindsight is always 20/20.  I will try to come in more often, and will remember her and her avatar, which I thought was alluring and intriguing at the same time.  Almost as though she was half in this world and half in another one.
 
Namaste,
YogaGinns
(Iwinder)

[Thomas Henley]

Thank you for the very kind and uplifting thoughts, I appreciate them very much as I'm sure Shirley truly would too.

I never knew that the Yogis believed we had just a finite predestined amount of time. I do though personally believe one can graduate from this life, having learned a succession of lessons through it.

Shirley truly enjoyed conversing with others and writing about these things, but especially conversing with others who understood and believe in them as she did.

She could be a bit of a recluse at times as a result, but was always thrilled to meet people anywhere and everywhere she could have deep and meaningful conversations with.

I know she very much enjoyed your own exchanges and was always thrilled to help others learn as well as learning from others.

It would seem to me as I got to know her, she had by all accounts a good life and lived it well, she left no enemies, and what regrets she might have had were focused on things she wouldn't be able to ever experience in the future once gone as opposed to mistakes or actions she'd come to regret from the past.

If anyone is deserving of a reward for a life well spent it's probably Shirley and above all because she was never limited by the sum total of other people's knowledge and beliefs...she was always willing to learn and explore.

If you told her you believed coffee beans could communicate with people, she was the kind of person who'd sit down with a bowl of coffee beans and try herself, while scouring the known universe to find out what experiences someone else might have had in trying to communicate with Coffee Beans.

Three days later she might very well send you an email saying she'd discovered a professor on Coffee in some far away place who supports those conclusions and found his personal number and called him to talk about it and now wants to pass all that information on to you.

That was the type of person she was, she never dismissed things out of hand and was never intimidated or put off by the process of learning or incorporating something new.

Shirley was never a closed universe or mind, but one always looking to expand and evolve.

It seems to me those kinds of people who have that all to rare capacity are the ones who make the world a much better place, because they aren't afraid of leaving a worse world behind to make a better one.

To that end if there is a life after temporal death I have no doubt Shirley is exploring and working on experiencing that with as much zeal and passion as she had lived this one.

Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing.

My best regards to your husband, it's always a pleasure to see you both even in sad times like these.

Thomas

[YogaGinns]

Thomas, when you think about the the people who race through life always in a hurry and never taking time for a full, deep breath, they are the ones who die early. 

The people of the world, like yogis, who sit quietly breathing in slow deep breaths, and not worrying about whats going on around them are the ones who live exceptionally long, healthy lives.  (true they also don't sit in drive thru lines everyday...)

So if each were given the same number of breaths, who would mathematically live longer?  Makes sense to me.

Namaste,
YogaGinns

[Thomas Henley]

Thomas, when you think about the the people who race through life always in a hurry and never taking time for a full, deep breath, they are the ones who die early. 

The people of the world, like yogis, who sit quietly breathing in slow deep breaths, and not worrying about whats going on around them are the ones who live exceptionally long, healthy lives.  (true they also don't sit in drive thru lines everyday...)

So if each were given the same number of breaths, who would mathematically live longer?  Makes sense to me.

Namaste,
YogaGinns

It personally took me a lot of years to get that...I never really did until my own desire to control and dominate everything began to take a toll on my physical health.

It was only thanks to a couple of very spiritual oriented Medical Doctors that I finally learned how to disconnect, slow down, and begin to live in and enjoy the here and now.

Amazingly it was only because they sensed in me the intelligence and reason that would allow them to approach medicine in a spiritual versus a pharmacutical way that they felt comfortable in taking the chance in practicing to them what is the highest form of medicine...healing not the body but the soul.

Growing old sure ain't for sissies though as life slowly brings on it's vagaries and aches and pains.

Shirley remained young at heart until the day she died, and I hope to myself as well.

The funny thing is of course the world really isn't geared towards those that actually might like to enjoy it at a leisurely pace and the here and now, you have to make a real effort to learn how to do what most people anxious for you to hurry up and do something for them would prefer you not too, to enjoy the here and now.

I think if there is anything good that comes from death is it does prompt most of us to reexamine our own lives and how we live them and to what end, and that might in fact be a very good thing indeed.

Thanks

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